back to childish taunting and hurtful phrases.
but have no fear. UROCK is here
… looking out for you with tidbits from my brain — and the brains of others. i thanks to the "do it yourself" method of parenting i created — i have advice to offer from the other side of the fence.
i created a monster. my child was a kindergarten bully. at home she is an only child, and to encourage her creativity and problem solving we allowed her to work out her own issues ie. the scissors wont cut the paper = find another way. try ripping the paper. i thought this was great, she was independent and it even expanded my creative boundaries. until we started to notice an issue with trying to control situations, and demand people do it her "new" way as opposed to figuring it out themselves. her princess (aka bully) tendencies soon resulted in the dreaded words from the teacher “we need to have a meeting. seems your child is bullying her school mates”. sigh.
now was not the typical bully. she is a happy, energetic kid who is friends with everyone — but the teacher sees her attitude of "my way or no way" as bully behavior.
in kindergarten she would instruct which friends were allowed to play at which center, marching around the class, “barking commands” as the teacher put. our game plan became reminding her everyday to let her friends do as they want to do, play where they want .. but it only resulted in tears. she was upset that her friends were hurt, and didn’t like being called a bully. see… not typical bully behavior — proud of their bad attitude. it was shocking to me (and a hip-hip-hoooray) but what really changed her attitude was talking about the UROCK slogan “everybody’s different”
that summer, amidst dragging her to shows and helping me create, she learned that her friends have the right to make their own decisions. now, she stands up for friends who are being treated badly on the playground, or tells an adult.
just talking about what makes a bully made her attitude change. it wont necessarily help those who are being bullied, but my theory is in order to fix a problem you must get to the root of the issue. why fix the decay of the leaves on a tree, if the roots of have been overcome by disease. yes, we need to hold the hand of those little "leaves" while they heal from the pain of the disease.. but we also need to make an effort to help the roots too.
i will continue to research from the bully side ie. why they bully, and how to change their attitudes.
fingers crossed they all stem from something similar to my ‘princess’ and just need some positive encouragement, and a shoulder to lean on in order to change.
IF YOU ARE BULLIED… how to get thru it…
"Encourage your child to keep a diary or journal, write poetry or songs. Writing provides a safe outlet for your child and creativity and self-expression are helpful tools used to work through negative issues" from Patricia Gatto (http://www.activityvillage.co.uk/bullying_at_school.htm)