It dawned on me recently just how much I’ve changed over this past year, how much I’ve learned about myself, and how much I’ve grown. I used to feel like a little kid, despite my 34 years of experience, waiting for someone else to tell me what to do next rather than stepping up and actually making my own decision.
And, I owe it all to my new friends who I happened to fall upon in a destined kind of way…
I has just started new training which also came with a new early morning shift. I needed a sitter and fast. in a panic I ran to Kijiji just at the very moment a girl, who just moved a few blocks away – with a son my daughter’s age – was looking for kids in her home daycare. It worked out more than perfect because as my life fell apart she was there to hold me (and my daughter) together and .. well change us into new people.
It’s silly, but right around the time the newspapers were reporting those crazy people EATING other people, my imaginative brain started to freak out. I knew zombies we’re not really a concern, or shouldn’t be – but holy moly what if? But more than that, I worried I couldn’t even protect my loved one’s from a regular person if something we’re to happen. I actually had rather vivid nightmares about it.. most being with me just standing there, occasionally throwing frantic girly punches which only made my attacker laugh in my face. The girl I was 12 month prior would have just stood there in shock, staring like a nerd watching a movie. But this kickstarted something in my brain, something that Sauid “don’t just stand there dummy – react”. Since then I’ve learned how to shoot a long bow, shoot (and load) a gun, take a hit, kick and punch, even throw ninja stars, although that one seriously needs work if I expect it to be effective. That’s right, the ballerina now has a spine; ninja-ballerina rockin the world.
Learning these skills makes me feel stronger physically, but does something mentally too. I don’t let people walk all over me anymore, or tell me what I should + shouldn’t do. I make the plans now, and don’t care if anyone joins me. The best part of this transformation is that my daughter has grown and learned these things too. She too can shoot a bow and her big achievement (in my eyes) she can ride a bike.
Lame things to be proud of? Sure. But I felt like a bad parent not being able to teach her… I’m the worst bike rider ever – no balance, go figure. ballerina can twirl, but replace her legs with wheels and all hope is lost.
Clearly, riding a bike is my next personal goal – especially because now I wanna ride a dirtbike, take jumps, hurt myself but get right back up. Do those kinda things that everyone else did, but I made myself believe we’re too dangerous. I’ve never broken a bone in my body because I never did anything. I played it safe. too safe, creating an overly cautious old lady prude at a really young age. Well, Can’t have that ANYMORE!
So now I’m physically and mentally stronger against a physical attacker, be it zombies, wild animals or bad people… But now that I’m sitting here watching “the day after tomorrow” I find myself thinking holy moly – I gotta work on my MacGyver skills!!